Overloving

I know you'll never know

That I eat the less cheesy slices of pizza

So that you get to eat the cheesier ones

I know you'll never realise

That I don't really like drowning my maggi in ketchup

But I try not to make a funny face

When we eat our noodles drenched in red sauce

Because that is how you like it

I know you'll never understand

Why I break into fits of elation

Every time you're in a good mood

I know you never notice 

How I pick the longer way from my class to lunch room 

Just so it coincides with the path you walk everyday

So that I can catch a few conversations 

And make you laugh along the way

I know you’ll never realise

That I always say yes

When you ask me to come to the music room

And watch you strum indie songs on your guitar

Just because you want an audience

I know you never notice

That I wait after school a million times over

Just to wave you a hand before you leave

Because the little twinkle in my eyes

That I get after meeting you

Is worth waiting for, every single day

Even if it’s only for a small “hi”

I know you'll never realise

That I always carry extra pens in my back pocket, 

Ready to offer you one

When you're in need of spare stationery

I know you'll never see 

How I notice and remember tiny details 

About things you like, and things you don’t 

And anything else you throw in a conversation

I know you'll never know 

That I keep half of my chocolate neatly wrapped, 

With an excuse on the tip of my tongue that I'm not hungry,

Just to offer you a bite at the end of the day

I know you’ll never see

That I always have an extra handkerchief 

When we go on a movie night with friends

So that you can wipe your nose 

Every time you sob between bites of overpriced french fries

I know you’ll never understand

Why I spend the entire day thinking about you,

When you’re going through a rough patch

And you don’t talk about it with me

I know you never notice 

When I flinch with awkwardness

When you say how you sometimes feel lonely 

Because everyday, I try to be a good friend

I know you’ll never know

How often I scroll up our chats on my phone

Taking a trip down the memory lane

Of all the times I felt good after talking to you

And I’m pretty sure you'll never, ever know

That I keep on bumping you up my priority list 

Even when we don’t talk for days at a stretch

***

Remember when we went for an outing with friends

And everyone else was busy clicking selfies

Except the two of us?

You were alone with me for a tiny little minute

And I said, "What a beautiful day it is!"

And you smiled and told me about your favourite season

Remember that one fleeting minute

That we had, just to ourselves 

And I got to know you more in that minute

Than I ever did in the past one year ?

Remember when we sat in that little cafe until dusk?

I was begging to meet you, to talk with you alone

I wanted to hear your stories, to be the listener for once

I wished to know you just as well as you know me

But all you did was to stay mum and smile

While I opened my heart out to you

Remember the only time I hoped you'd crack

And I'd get a peek inside the window of your eyes?

But yet again, it was me trying to build a convo

Wishing you'd do the same

***

It’s funny how

One half of my head seems to think

That you think about me just as much as I do

While the other half shakes in denial

You’ve made me feel happy

At the smallest of things

Because I’ve forgotten to expect

Anything more than a simple thanks 

And even after 

I eat my maggi soaked in ketchup,

And wait for hours to say you “hi”,

And make you laugh when you are down,

And take a wet handkerchief back home,

And try to be the best person I possibly can

I know I’m not enough

Even after I give it my all

Because the truth is

I tore out my book for you

And you never opened a single page from yours.